The random acts of kindness that can make our days

Discover how tiny positivity can impact our lives. A guest post by Nadja de Oliveira

Today I’m thrilled to welcome my first guest into this community

Nadja de Oliveira

. Since I joined Substack I have found the most incredible group of people to share this space with, Nadja included, and I wanted to bring their voices in here.

I believe that what we’re ultimately creating by sharing our words is connection, a much-needed pushback to the increasing isolation many of us are feeling.

Also if you’re experiencing either creator or reader fatigue, recommitting to the people behind the words can help make this space feel more like a calm swim in a pool rather than standing under a gushing waterfall.

This piece comes from that same spirit of generosity that I see here again and again. I hope you find the same optimism and hope in Nadja’s writing as I do.

As someone held the door for me a few weeks ago, on a day that I wasn't feeling myself, I felt my mood shift. The kindness lifted me. It was simple and unexpected, yet supportive and meaningful. It may have come from a place of politeness, but for me it came from one of warm humanity and compassion. I received it as an act of kindness,

I started to wonder which other moments I have experienced: where I felt invisible or resigned in my helplessness, or just mute, yet someone heard me. When I felt cared for, even for a brief time. And I recognised the difference that made in my spirit.

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Memories of kindness

As these thoughts unfolded, my mind searched my memories and brought forward these five moments, which in all honesty, I had forgotten about.

1. I was at Birmingham New Street Station to catch a train to Aberystwyth, after just arriving in the UK to do my masters. I was overwhelmed, unfamiliar with the surroundings, and very confused about the platforms.

As I was about to make my way down the stairs with my XL-sized luggage, an older lady asked if I needed help as it looked so heavy. It came at a moment when I was about to cry in frustration. I thanked her and said I would manage because I knew I could make it, but her asking gave me the strength to see it through. I had felt alone, but she saw me.

2. On an evening walk with my dog Ellie some years ago, a lady stopped us and asked to pet her. After a chat, I found out that her dog had just passed, and she asked if my dog liked fishy treats, because she had a whole box and found Ellie so kind.

3. Due to a delayed flight, I arrived at the last minute at Euston Station, to catch my train to Birmingham, which connected me to Aberystwyth. I ran inside and as soon I saw station staff by the ticket machines, I yelled ‘Please help me, my train is leaving any minute’.

A wonderful woman ran to my aid and told me to give her the credit card to retrieve the tickets, and before I knew it she was jogging alongside me to help me through the gates. I just made it, the doors closed behind me. She didn’t need to run or help me all the way through, but she did and I was so grateful.

4. I was jetlagged in a warm and rainy New York. As I ran for cover, a woman gave me an umbrella, and I looked at her expectedly. She had bought two and didn’t need the spare. I asked her ‘Are you sure?’, in total surprise. She answered ‘It looks like you need it’, smiled and walked on. My tired self was deeply touched.

5. One day, I was biking to work in Copenhagen and a car aquaplaned, hitting the front wheel of my bike and catapulting me to the pavement. I was shocked, confused and scared.

A car and two bikers stopped. Someone picked up my bag, another helped me to the sidewalk and the other took care of my bike. The driver asked if he could give me a lift to the hospital. I thanked him but politely declined, I was so confused and I needed someone I knew. However, these three strangers took the time to help me and only left when they knew I was okay and felt safe.

“I have found that it is the small everyday deed of ordinary folks that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love.”

―J.R.R. Tolkien, in The Hobbit

I felt held, seen, and accompanied in each of these moments. They lifted me when it had felt so hard to lift myself. They came unasked and of their own free will. How beautiful is that? To help me without expecting.

Just by asking, they were acknowledging that I was part of a community. To offer to help carry a large bag down two flights of stairs, even if it would be hard. Or to gift some treats for my dog, because she didn’t need them anymore. These are so simple, but heartwarming.

I found that these acts and moments of kindness have a few things in common:

• Random, unplanned and not premeditated

• Voluntary and not expecting a reward

• Altruistic, positive and compassionate

• Makes the receiver feel seen and not alone

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How does it come about?

How do we end up giving a stranger a moment of our time, consideration and compassion? How do we choose?

Sometimes, our acts of kindness are a reflex: when you chase a stranger because they dropped a glove, or let someone know their bag is open in the metro, or pick up litter, open a door, or help a stroller on/off public transportation.

Other moments are considered for a second or two, when we analyse if we have time, energy, mindset, or the capability to help. However, our impulse to help comes from compassion, and that wins in those quick moments of consideration. For instance, when we see someone upset and alone, we can quickly ask ourselves ‘What if it was you who needed an ‘Are you okay’ to know you aren’t alone’?

There are also times when we are so depleted and unable to help or bring that kindness forward, which is okay too. Often those moments are when others are kind to us. That’s the essence of community, when you have a surplus, you have the resources to help someone who doesn’t have it.

“A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees.”

—Amelia Earhart

I believe random acts of kindness can pave the way to a better community and thereby society, adding a sense of safety and togetherness, and removing the veil of invisibility. They lift the spirit, perhaps inspiring us to pay that kindness forward. They are about nurturing a shared humanity. A small gesture can get gratitude in motion in more ways than one.

Nadja and I would like to invite you to share one random act of kindness that you received in the comments below. Let’s remember what brings us together more than what sets us apart.